sometimes I question God.. am I doing the right thing?

a story from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas....
A campus pastor named Brady Bobbink decided to take Scripture's admonitions about love seriously.  Brady married relatively late in life.  He had become well known as a speaker....was in high demand with plenty of opportunities to "serve God" thru his gift of teaching.  When Brady asked Shirley to become his wife, life changed dramatically.  Shirley had 2 children from a previous marriage, and it wasn't long before Shirley and Brady began to pray about having a child of their own.
"What would it mean for me to love my wife in this situation?" Brady asked himself.  In prayer, Brady made a pledge.  If Shirley had another baby, for the first year he wouldn't accept any outside speaking engagements other than the ones his current position required him to take.  Shirley became pregnant and gave birth to Micah....
Months later, Brady received a lucrative opportunity to speak in Singapore...  the change to go to the Far East was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity...
He excitedly told Shirley about this great opportunity, then remembered  his pledge midway thru his convo, and said out loud, "I can't go."
Shirley tried to release Brady from his pledge.  "Honey, I'll be fine"..
He kept his pledge and didn't go.

What's this got to do with my questioning God, "Am I doing the right thing?"  Well, some days I feel like if I can't serve and love my husband the way God asks me to, then how can pouring my life and service into others be what God wants?   Would ministry be so much easier if my spouse was involved?   How can I learn to love my spouse more?  How can I let him be involved in my life more and me in his?  How can I serve him above and beyond doing his laundry?    Wow I have so many questions running thru my head of what God requires of me....
So yeah, I still ask.. "Am I doing the right thing by serving God outside my home?"    

pleasing God thru marriage

I love this paragraph...

What most divorces mean is that at least one party, and possibly both, have ceased to put the gospel first in their lives.  They no longer live by Paul's guiding principle, "I make it my goal to please Him," because the Bible is clear in its teaching.  God says, "I hate divorce" (Malachi 2:16).  If the goal of the couple was to please God, they wouldn't seek a divorce.      

and this ...

Strong christian marriages will still be struck by lightning - sexual temptation, communication problems, frustrations, unrealized expectations- but if the marriages are heavily watered with an unwavering commitment to please God above everything else, the conditions won't b ripe for a devastating fire to follow the lightning strike.

sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

During the frustrating, lonely times in my marriage I remind myself that God wants me to please Him.  I can seek to serve God in my marriage even if my husband isn't.  Give up on my husband when he's not trying to please The Lord?  I think not, God never gives up on me!  Give up on my husband when he's been gone for a week, then comes home and has no time for me?  I think not, God never leaves when I don't have time for Him.  There is no room for divorce in even your thoughts.  Never ever.  God didn't divorce me when I rejected Him, when I never talked to Him...   He's there always.

   I'll be there always to.  Waiting and praying for my husband to come along beside me and seek Jesus with me.. to seek holiness not only happiness...   yeah, I'll be the example Jesus asks and requires of me...  to b like Him and let Him shine thru me to  those around...   what a perfect way to let my kids see Jesus...  to love their Daddy just like Jesus loves us...

God requires much in our everyday lives... I'm praying that I can give and please Him in this aspect of my life.. it isn't easy.. it's a daily surrender but it is a step to being more like Jesus.....

to be more like Jesus...

I bought this book Sacred Marriage a few years back.  I started to read it but stopped because I didn't really like it and thought it was somewhat crazy.  So I go to SS class on Sunday and find out we are doing a workbook based on this book.  Weird thing: Now it makes sense to me and I think I totally agree.  The book is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  The topic is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

Today's fav quote "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question - stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time.  But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married.  Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

So true.  So hard.  Dying to self.  Giving up my dreams.   Living his dreams.  That has been a daily struggle and it is hard and my husband loves me......    but Jesus did it for us - a people who spit on Him, reject Him, deny Him....    

sometimes I wish I would have taken option 1 - single and serving Jesus...  my heart aches for the world, for the lost...   but then I realize I'd never understand His sacrifice the way I do now...    

so interested in learning more...  praying that Mark and I can learn and connect and become more holy thru our marriage... and find out what He really has for us...

really, one of my fav songs played at my wedding says it all...

Father in Heaven 

Lord may your name be glorified

above all others, above all this world

above everything else in our lives

for nothing else in all of this world matters

but to live our lives for Your and You alone

May your wonders never cease

may your spirit never leave

may we ever long to see your face

and when we turn from you again

oh how quickly we forget

may we be reminded of your grace

May Your Wonders Never Cease

-Third Day

stay because God demands forever

sometimes I come to a point where I stay only because God demands forever...   with God all things are possible... its really Satan making it hard, so I kick Him in the butt and keep on keeping on... it's not my husband I'm living for, it's God!   just sayin'...

are we happy plastic people?!?

 I've posted some lyrics and the reason I think the song has been running thru my head....  (i may have to find it and play it - i haven't actually listened to it in a long time)

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today
Feelin' so small?

'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away
Like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it
Maybe I'll believe it, too

So with a painted grin
I play the part again
So everyone will see me
The way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

-Casting Crowns

this is how I feel in this place...   everyone so close just living a "comfortable" life wondering why my heart aches for so much more...   

it's been so hard praying that God would help me be content living my husband's dream...

 but I've realized that I need to be into God's word more here..  I'm praying that God would help me be more bold and share what I've been thru and what He's done in my life to the teens I work with at JMS..  I kno that God can use me to make a difference in lives around here...   I need to be bold and challenge my friends to get real with Jesus too...  

I'll never understand the aching and yearning I have for the Alaskan people and there precious but lost kids... but it brings me to Jesus everyday... I ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I give the desire to God and I pray for strength to serve Him here...   I pray that I can support my husband 100%, that I can help him and encourage him to grow in Christ and that this place we live will feel like "where we are supposed to be" to me...

Restore by Chris August

Nobody's growing old together, 
we've made it easy just to quit
Love has become a negative percentage,
Why do we bother to commit
We've got a long list of excuses,
Ways we try to justify
Well, I propose to you the truth is,
Marriage does not have to die

CHORUS
I know you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore

He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever
But right now if they're being honest they don't know if they'll stay together
Let's fast forward to the future after struggling on their own
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home

CHORUS

The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight
But darkness will always lose out to light
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side

I see you growing old together
I pray I find a love like yours

So if you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore

Like it was before
You may have strayed off course
But He will restore



Publishing: © 2012 Word Music, LLC (ASCAP) / Wordspring Music, LLC, Early Service Music (SESAC) (All rights obo itself and Early Service Music adm. by Wordspring Music, LLC)

expect nothing.

Give your spouse your all and expect nothing in return.

Back to Eden

Let's dig into the Bible and see what it was like in Eden.  Yeah, God's perfect plan.

^"Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”

 So God created human beings in his own image.
In the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”
 Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened.
 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!

And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day."   - Genesis 1:26-31

DIG IN:
God said "Let us make human beings in our image/likeness."  Yeah, that says that we were significant to Him - so significant that He made us in His image.  God said  to them be fruitful, fill the earth and rule over it.  And then, God looked over all he made and saw that it was very good.  Yes, God put value on both male and female.  Then God looked at all He made and saw it was very good.  God thought and thinks that both man and woman are good!

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
 “At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”

 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.  -Genesis 2:18-25

DIG IN:
In verses 19-20, we see that God gave MAN leadership to name creation. In verse 22, God created a suitable helper for man - WOMAN!  We were created to be helpers!  And these verses show us that MARRIAGE was God's idea!  He created one woman for one man!

"Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him."  -Matthew Henry

 

The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”

“Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied.  “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’”

 “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman.  “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”

 The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man^[a] and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

  He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

 “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”

 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”

 Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?”

“The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”

 Then the Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this, you are cursed
more than all animals, domestic and wild.
You will crawl on your belly,
groveling in the dust as long as you live.
And I will cause hostility between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring.
He will strike your head,
and you will strike his heel.”

 Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,
and in pain you will give birth.
And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.^"

 And to the man he said,

“Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree
whose fruit I commanded you not to eat,
the ground is cursed because of you.
All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.
 It will grow thorns and thistles for you,
though you will eat of its grains.
By the sweat of your brow
will you have food to eat
until you return to the ground
from which you were made.
For you were made from dust,
and to dust you will return.”   -Genesis 3:1-19

 

DIG IN:

Obviously this is when sin entered the world. 

Let's look at the sin:  In the first 8 verses, Satan undermines God's plan that was established.  Then in the next verses, God confronts Adam and Eve.  What does Adam do - he blames it on Eve.  And Eve blames it on the serpent.

Let's look at the curse: The curse brought distortion of the male and female roles.  We see that leadership becomes harder for the man and they will misuse authority.  And women will experience great pain in childbirth (curse Eve) and we will desire to control and not submit.

 

Women - God created us to be a helper to our husbands.  Yes, even though I work away from home each day, God still requires me to serve my husband.  But the cool thing I've found is that we are created to be helpers and helpers don't do everything.  They help!  It's a work together kind of thing.  But sometimes we have to serve selflessly to get our husbands involved.  We can't blame it on them.  WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING before blaming it on them. I've been trying hard the past few months to serve my husband unconditionally.  I'm trying not to expect him to help with the house work when I have a busy week.  I'm trying to please him with making meals the evenings I'm home.  I've been trying to keep my house cleaner then usual.  I'm trying my best to support his dreams (even if they keep him away from home ALOT).  I'm trying to ask him to be involved in decisions in my life.  AND GUESS WHAT?!  We are becoming a team.  Helping each other.  How are we becoming at team???  I didn't expect him to change.  I changed... and either he changed because of it or my outlook and attitude has changed so much that I now see him as AMAZING!

thanks to Athletes in Action Colorado Adventure Project for some of the insight (i love my binders of stuff they gave us and all the things i learned and took notes on)

God CAN change my marriage...

"I can't do this anymore", "I don't think things will ever change", "If my husband doesn't want to try, how can my marriage change?", "My hurt will never go away"..  I could go on and on with statements of how I think my marriage will not change.  I could list so many ways in how I am scared to death that 10 years down the road I'll still feel the same old blah in my marriage.  But note that I underlined the me's.  Let's put God into this.  "God can help me continue in this marriage", "God CAN change things", "God can show me how to change in ways that my husband will want to jump on board", "God will heal my hurt"...  
Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" - Matthew 19:26
I don't have much to say today... I'll just say this again and challenge you...

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  God can change our marriages. First, we need to believe it.  And then it starts with US.  He needs US before he can change our marriages.  We need to stop thinking about ourselves and starting believing that God will and can change our marriages.  We need to stop thinking about ourselves and starting doing things to help change our marriages.  This goes along with being selfless..  We need to serve our husbands even when it hurts - thats what God asks of us and that's how God is gonna change our marriages.  (we will look deeper into what God asks of us in our marriages later)

Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Matthew 19:26 The Message

strive to be selfless..

I've been learning that we need to strive to be more selfless in our marriages.  We need to learn to be more of a servant.  We live in a ME society and it’s so easy to get caught up in selfishness..  It’s all about me, isn’t it?  Nope.  Let’s look at our ultimate example – Jesus.
"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."  -Phillipians 2:5-8
Jesus didn't think about himself.  As I think about all the things Jesus did, I don't remember Him ever saying "I can't heal the sick man because I have to watch the latest big event" or "I can't help because I'm to busy working around my house". I could go on.  So how do we apply this to our marriage?!
We need to strive to be a servant and be less selfish.  Let's investigate with these two scenarios.

My husband is preparing to leave for his third hunting trip of the year tomorrow. He has some cattle that need shots before he leaves.  He has to finish a report for a meeting that will be held while he is gone.  Plus all his normal routine – job, farm work, etc.

Selfish response: I ignore the large pile of laundry including his hunting clothing.  My son asks when Daddy is going to home to play and I make some not so nice remark about Daddy never being around.  My daughter won’t eat her supper that evening.  I start running things through my head like “I feel like I’m a single mom”, “why can’t I have a normal husband who comes home at supper time and spends time with his family” and I could list even more things.  He calls and needs a few things at the store so I agree to go to the store.  My son complains he doesn’t want to the go to the store and again I bad mouth my husband.   The entire 30 minute drive I fight tears of anger towards my husband thinking only about myself and how my life is so terrible.  When I get home the sliding door gets stuck.  I get angry at my husband because this is an ongoing problem and he fixes things for a living and I can’t even have a door that works because he’s too busy doing everything for everyone else.  My husband finishes up and gets in around 9:30pm hoping to spend time with me before he leaves.  Instead, I give him the cold shoulder and crawl into bed feeling hurt and alone.

Selfless response:  I take a deep breath and pray that God helps me to be less selfish and have a good attitude.  I see the large pile of laundry and I think how it would be a big help if I had that clothing clean for him.  My son asks when Daddy is going to be home to play and I say he has a lot to do so I suggest we make cards for him thanking him for all his hard work and maybe even make a good luck card for hunting.  My daughter won't eat her supper that evening.  I take a deep breath and ask God for patience with her.  My husband calls and needs a few things at the store so I agree to go to the store.  My son complains he doesn't want to go to the store but I say that we are helping Daddy out and we are going to pick out some yummy snacks for him.  At the store I let the kids pick out some extra snacks for him to take on the hunting trip.  When I get home the sliding door gets stuck.  I take a deep breath and decide to try to laugh about the silly door (and I pray that my husband soon gets time to fix it).  My husband finishes up and gets in around 9:30pm.  I spend time talking to him, maybe even helping him get all his stuff together.

Ok, so that's a small example of selfishness and selflessness.

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  I challenge us, as we strive to better our marriage, to remember Jesus and how he sacrificed himself for us.  Jesus wasn't always loved but He still loved the people.  Jesus wasn't always appreciated but He still gave food to the hungry.  Jesus wasn't always understood but He still keep going in His ministry.  Jesus gave His life for people that spit on Him daily.  Jesus gave His life for people who ignore Him weekly.  Jesus gave His life for people who fail to acknowlege Him.  Yet He still loves them and still wants a relationship with them.  So if Jesus can do that, then I challenge you..  We can strive to give up ourselves and serve our husbands (even when we don't feel loved, cared for, etc).

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.  Philippians 2:5-8 The Message

the love journey...

Yes, we've all been on a journey - many journeys.  Our marriage journey.  That is a journey we take in life.  Most would think of it starting the day we got married or maybe the day we started dating our husband/wife.  This past year I've discovered it started way before that.  And I'm thinking it should be called our love journey.  First, the philia kind of love.  Philia means close friendship or brotherly love.  Second, the eros kind of love.  Eros is the word used to express sexual love or the feelings of arousal that are shared between people who are physically attracted to one another.  We all set out to find "love" at some point or another.
I think back to elementary school... the notes, "Will you go out with me?"  Circle "Yes or No" or "Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"  Back then, I think we just wanted that giggly feeling inside that someone liked us and wanted us to be their girlfriend.
Then I go back to high school...  What are the reason's we sought relationships with the opposite sex?  I think there are many different reasons.  Self-esteem, popularity, friendship, sex..  just to name a few.
And on to college... Some sought relationships, some just drunken one night stands, some of us just wanted casual relationships - we wanted him/her just when it was convinient, when we were lonely, when we want to make that other person jealous...
Then you finally meet the person that in your mind is marriage material...  Why?  I'm sure we all have different reasons.  For me, the number one thing was "Is he a Christian?"...
Then the time comes and he proposes... She says yes.  We start planning our wedding day.  We are so in love!
The wedding day happens.  It's perfect.  and then we fast forward.... 6 months, 1 year, 3 years... or longer...Bliss lasts longer for some, but there is always going to be rocky roads... some experience more then others..
so that brings me to today... or maybe my past year...  I've been married 7 years 6 months.  I think my bliss lasted throught the honeymoon.  I will say that is mostly because of my selfishness, independence, and belief that I don't deserve to have a good marriage.  Would I have said that statement 3 years ago?!?  No.  I would have cast the blame on my husband, my job, my past and even God.  (I will talk about our past later - as I feel our past have a big part in our marriage story). But first, we will ask "Why blame God?"  I blamed Him because my life didn't look like the picture I painted in my mind.  So, first I needed to hand God my future and allow Him to be the artist.  Oh, I still struggle with this daily but if we want our marriages to last, we need to allow God to be the artist of our lives.
And He (Jesus) was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." -Luke 9:23-24 NAS

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  Ask God to be the center of your world.  Dig into His Word.  Spend time praying with Him.  If you don't know where to start, first talk to God.  Talk to Him about your life (your daily struggles, your latest victories).  He cares about all aspects of your life.  Ask Him to help you spend time with Him daily.  And if you haven't read the Bible begin by reading the book of Mark (go to biblegateway.com and type in Mark).  

Then he (Jesus) told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. -Luke 9:23 The Message