Wednesday, January 30, 2013

God CAN change my marriage...

"I can't do this anymore", "I don't think things will ever change", "If my husband doesn't want to try, how can my marriage change?", "My hurt will never go away"..  I could go on and on with statements of how I think my marriage will not change.  I could list so many ways in how I am scared to death that 10 years down the road I'll still feel the same old blah in my marriage.  But note that I underlined the me's.  Let's put God into this.  "God can help me continue in this marriage", "God CAN change things", "God can show me how to change in ways that my husband will want to jump on board", "God will heal my hurt"...  
Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" - Matthew 19:26
I don't have much to say today... I'll just say this again and challenge you...

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  God can change our marriages. First, we need to believe it.  And then it starts with US.  He needs US before he can change our marriages.  We need to stop thinking about ourselves and starting believing that God will and can change our marriages.  We need to stop thinking about ourselves and starting doing things to help change our marriages.  This goes along with being selfless..  We need to serve our husbands even when it hurts - thats what God asks of us and that's how God is gonna change our marriages.  (we will look deeper into what God asks of us in our marriages later)

Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Matthew 19:26 The Message

Friday, January 11, 2013

strive to be selfless..

I've been learning that we need to strive to be more selfless in our marriages.  We need to learn to be more of a servant.  We live in a ME society and it’s so easy to get caught up in selfishness..  It’s all about me, isn’t it?  Nope.  Let’s look at our ultimate example – Jesus.
"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."  -Phillipians 2:5-8
Jesus didn't think about himself.  As I think about all the things Jesus did, I don't remember Him ever saying "I can't heal the sick man because I have to watch the latest big event" or "I can't help because I'm to busy working around my house". I could go on.  So how do we apply this to our marriage?!
We need to strive to be a servant and be less selfish.  Let's investigate with these two scenarios.

My husband is preparing to leave for his third hunting trip of the year tomorrow. He has some cattle that need shots before he leaves.  He has to finish a report for a meeting that will be held while he is gone.  Plus all his normal routine – job, farm work, etc.
Selfish response: I ignore the large pile of laundry including his hunting clothing.  My son asks when Daddy is going to home to play and I make some not so nice remark about Daddy never being around.  My daughter won’t eat her supper that evening.  I start running things through my head like “I feel like I’m a single mom”, “why can’t I have a normal husband who comes home at supper time and spends time with his family” and I could list even more things.  He calls and needs a few things at the store so I agree to go to the store.  My son complains he doesn’t want to the go to the store and again I bad mouth my husband.   The entire 30 minute drive I fight tears of anger towards my husband thinking only about myself and how my life is so terrible.  When I get home the sliding door gets stuck.  I get angry at my husband because this is an ongoing problem and he fixes things for a living and I can’t even have a door that works because he’s too busy doing everything for everyone else.  My husband finishes up and gets in around 9:30pm hoping to spend time with me before he leaves.  Instead, I give him the cold shoulder and crawl into bed feeling hurt and alone.
Selfless response:  I take a deep breath and pray that God helps me to be less selfish and have a good attitude.  I see the large pile of laundry and I think how it would be a big help if I had that clothing clean for him.  My son asks when Daddy is going to be home to play and I say he has a lot to do so I suggest we make cards for him thanking him for all his hard work and maybe even make a good luck card for hunting.  My daughter won't eat her supper that evening.  I take a deep breath and ask God for patience with her.  My husband calls and needs a few things at the store so I agree to go to the store.  My son complains he doesn't want to go to the store but I say that we are helping Daddy out and we are going to pick out some yummy snacks for him.  At the store I let the kids pick out some extra snacks for him to take on the hunting trip.  When I get home the sliding door gets stuck.  I take a deep breath and decide to try to laugh about the silly door (and I pray that my husband soon gets time to fix it).  My husband finishes up and gets in around 9:30pm.  I spend time talking to him, maybe even helping him get all his stuff together.
Ok, so that's a small example of selfishness and selflessness.

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  I challenge us, as we strive to better our marriage, to remember Jesus and how he sacrificed himself for us.  Jesus wasn't always loved but He still loved the people.  Jesus wasn't always appreciated but He still gave food to the hungry.  Jesus wasn't always understood but He still keep going in His ministry.  Jesus gave His life for people that spit on Him daily.  Jesus gave His life for people who ignore Him weekly.  Jesus gave His life for people who fail to acknowlege Him.  Yet He still loves them and still wants a relationship with them.  So if Jesus can do that, then I challenge you..  We can strive to give up ourselves and serve our husbands (even when we don't feel loved, cared for, etc).

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.  Philippians 2:5-8 The Message


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

the love journey...

Yes, we've all been on a journey - many journeys.  Our marriage journey.  That is a journey we take in life.  Most would think of it starting the day we got married or maybe the day we started dating our husband/wife.  This past year I've discovered it started way before that.  And I'm thinking it should be called our love journey.  First, the philia kind of love.  Philia means close friendship or brotherly love.  Second, the eros kind of love.  Eros is the word used to express sexual love or the feelings of arousal that are shared between people who are physically attracted to one another.  We all set out to find "love" at some point or another.
I think back to elementary school... the notes, "Will you go out with me?"  Circle "Yes or No" or "Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"  Back then, I think we just wanted that giggly feeling inside that someone liked us and wanted us to be their girlfriend.
Then I go back to high school...  What are the reason's we sought relationships with the opposite sex?  I think there are many different reasons.  Self-esteem, popularity, friendship, sex..  just to name a few.
And on to college... Some sought relationships, some just drunken one night stands, some of us just wanted casual relationships - we wanted him/her just when it was convinient, when we were lonely, when we want to make that other person jealous...
Then you finally meet the person that in your mind is marriage material...  Why?  I'm sure we all have different reasons.  For me, the number one thing was "Is he a Christian?"...
Then the time comes and he proposes... She says yes.  We start planning our wedding day.  We are so in love!
The wedding day happens.  It's perfect.  and then we fast forward.... 6 months, 1 year, 3 years... or longer...Bliss lasts longer for some, but there is always going to be rocky roads... some experience more then others..
so that brings me to today... or maybe my past year...  I've been married 7 years 6 months.  I think my bliss lasted throught the honeymoon.  I will say that is mostly because of my selfishness, independence, and belief that I don't deserve to have a good marriage.  Would I have said that statement 3 years ago?!?  No.  I would have cast the blame on my husband, my job, my past and even God.  (I will talk about our past later - as I feel our past have a big part in our marriage story). But first, we will ask "Why blame God?"  I blamed Him because my life didn't look like the picture I painted in my mind.  So, first I needed to hand God my future and allow Him to be the artist.  Oh, I still struggle with this daily but if we want our marriages to last, we need to allow God to be the artist of our lives.
And He (Jesus) was saying to them all, If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." -Luke 9:23-24 NAS

MY CHALLENGE TO MYSELF AND YOU:  Ask God to be the center of your world.  Dig into His Word.  Spend time praying with Him.  If you don't know where to start, first talk to God.  Talk to Him about your life (your daily struggles, your latest victories).  He cares about all aspects of your life.  Ask Him to help you spend time with Him daily.  And if you haven't read the Bible begin by reading the book of Mark (go to biblegateway.com and type in Mark).  

Then he (Jesus) told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. -Luke 9:23 The Message