the love dare: Love is NOT rude

As I opened up my book for today's love dare I read love is not rude.... I really didn't wanna read it, I have other things to do but I made myself.  After I read it, I was thankful.  It was wrote just for me.  I should have read it yesterday because last evening in my frustrations I was rude and I was convicted by today's reading...

Questions asked in today's reading..

How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around him?

How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?

Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?

Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them.

And more...

Three guiding principles for practicing etiquette in your marriage

1. Guard the Golden rule.   Luke 6:31

2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.  I think this one is convicting!!!!

3. Honor request.  Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.  If in doubt, then ask.

The Challenge:  Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated by you.  No attacking.  and it's from their perspective.

The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick

The Love Dare:Day 2-4

Day 2:  Love is Kind ~ Be Kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32
The Challenge: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Day 3: Love is not Selfish ~  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
The Challenge:Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you...  Invest in your spouse.... No negative and buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today".

Day 4: Love is thoughtful ~ When was the last time you spend a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse?
The Challenge: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

-The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick

the love dare...

i have no idea how much i'll post the next 40 days but i'm doing the love dare....  not much to say about it today.. i'm sure i'll go more in to detail in the upcoming days...

DAY1: Love is Patient
"See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another" 1 Thessalonians 5:5

Today's Dare:  Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to your spouse at all.

from the Love Dare by Stephen & Alex Kendrick

my husband is a gift from God

my thoughts from the Wife after God Bible study book by Jennifer Smith and online Bible study I'm currently doing...  Day 4 - Your spouse is a gift

Lets look in Genesis....
 "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [o]suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.  The Lord God [t]fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21-22

God gave Adam a gift - He created Eve and gave her to Adam.  In the same way, God has given you your spouse.  "It is important to see your husband and yourself as gifts to each other everyday you have together, for that will influence how you treat each other" (from Wife after God)  Hmmm, lets think about this...  I'm sure we all just received some gifts for Christmas.  Think of the most expensive gift.  How did/do you treat it?  Do you value it?  Are you spending time with it?  Did you tell anyone about it?  Now, think about your spouse and answer those questions.

"The marriage relationship is also a magnificent gift in that you and your husband have the opportunity to bless others." (Wife after God)   It's your own little team working for God.  What can we do as a couple or family to give gifts to others?  I think this is one thing I really want and need to pray about.  My husband has an amazing servant heart.  He serves as a trustee at our church - fixing things, plowing snow, etc.  He serves on our local fire company and is the treasurer.  He is always willing to help out with service type things with in the church and our community (I can list some many things he does).  He's always willing to offer help to our friends and neighbors.  Honestly, I could go on and on.  I know that individuals at the school I teach at could list things that I work tirelessly at for our athletic program.  BUT I've really been yearning to find some way for us to give "gifts" together.

starting off the year by doing Wife after God - an online Bible study...

I am currently reading the devotional Wife after God by Jennifer Smith.  She is doing an online 30 day Bible study focusing on the book.  Each day has a focus verse, a short devotional, a challenge, a prayer and journal questions.  Check it out!  www.wifeaftergod.com and on facebook Wife after God - Online bible study.  You can watch her back comments on YouTube.
Obviously, I think it would be great if you joined in and picked up the book.  I'm not going to post everything on here but I'm gonna post what I'm feeling and maybe some of the journal questions.

Jan. 1 - God's purpose for your marriage.  Honestly, I've been reading another book and studying it in my Sunday school class.  I've posted about it.  Day one in Wife after God made me think of it. It's Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  His statement/question is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than make us happy?.  I've come to believe this is true.  It's also somewhat soothing.  Yeah, I know that sounds weird.  But honestly it's given me something to cling to thru the rough.  Yes, I hope somethings in my marriage get better but currently I can let the hard times make me more like Christ.  It honestly can give you purpose in a not so wonderful time in marriage.  When I feel unloved, I can strive to love, respect and serve my husband anyway.  Jesus does it.  He loves me when I ignore him.
So the challenge was to talk to your husband and discuss with him about the purpose of marriage.  My husband is away til Sunday so I didn't do this and honestly with our time schedule we currently don't discuss much of anything so I kinda got frustrated.  I get frustrated with all the marriage studies that involve both spouses.  What if your spouse isn't interested in being involved in it?  But Day 2 made me like the study again :)
Jan. 2 - Marriage by Design.  This discussed Love and Respect.  Husbands love your wives, Wives respect your husbands.  Check out Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  Although honestly, I think the book is repetitive and have found a lot of marriage material to be.  SERIOUSLY, I think we get the fact that Husbands should love their wives and wives should respect their husbands.  I guess I'm always looking for the answer to "what do I do and how do I handle it if I don't feel loved? or respected?"....   But it's right in front of us in the Bible - Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives and Ephesians 5:33 - and let the wife see that she respects her husband.  It doesn't say, wives respect your husband when you are loved by them.  It's called unconditional respect.  I fail at it.  The questions for today were hard...   One of them... In what ways does your husband show you love?  I sat here.  I thought.  I got frustrated because I didn't think of anything.  Then I thought I am terrible, I know my husband loves me, I need to think.  Here is what I came up with - 1. He sat down with me after the kids were in bed two times in the last few weeks and watch a movie. 2. He pays the bills. 3. He puts wood on the fire so I can have a nice warm house.  4. He glued my rear view mirror back on my jeep window.   5. I thought a few more things and then I was like Servant hood.  He serves.
  I know I could name so many things that I've thought he should do in the last month instead of spend his days hunting but I need to look at what he does do.  Hmmm, mayb that is something I need to do weekly.
This question also got me thinking... If he was asked "in what ways does your wife show you respect?....    yeah, I'm thinking it would be hard for him...   I need to ask forgiveness for not showing him respect - my body language has disrespect all over it... and I need to do this...
my plan: 1. acknowledge him when he is running out the door .  2. thank him often for what he does.  3. praise him/words of affirmation (even if i'm kinda annoyed) 4. hug him (one of his love languages is physical touch and mine is far from it) 5. serve him.
Those 5 things I need to do even when I feel unloved....

So I don't kno how well this is written but it's my feelings and thoughts...

sometimes I question God.. am I doing the right thing?

a story from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas....
A campus pastor named Brady Bobbink decided to take Scripture's admonitions about love seriously.  Brady married relatively late in life.  He had become well known as a speaker....was in high demand with plenty of opportunities to "serve God" thru his gift of teaching.  When Brady asked Shirley to become his wife, life changed dramatically.  Shirley had 2 children from a previous marriage, and it wasn't long before Shirley and Brady began to pray about having a child of their own.
"What would it mean for me to love my wife in this situation?" Brady asked himself.  In prayer, Brady made a pledge.  If Shirley had another baby, for the first year he wouldn't accept any outside speaking engagements other than the ones his current position required him to take.  Shirley became pregnant and gave birth to Micah....
Months later, Brady received a lucrative opportunity to speak in Singapore...  the change to go to the Far East was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity...
He excitedly told Shirley about this great opportunity, then remembered  his pledge midway thru his convo, and said out loud, "I can't go."
Shirley tried to release Brady from his pledge.  "Honey, I'll be fine"..
He kept his pledge and didn't go.

What's this got to do with my questioning God, "Am I doing the right thing?"  Well, some days I feel like if I can't serve and love my husband the way God asks me to, then how can pouring my life and service into others be what God wants?   Would ministry be so much easier if my spouse was involved?   How can I learn to love my spouse more?  How can I let him be involved in my life more and me in his?  How can I serve him above and beyond doing his laundry?    Wow I have so many questions running thru my head of what God requires of me....
So yeah, I still ask.. "Am I doing the right thing by serving God outside my home?"    

pleasing God thru marriage

I love this paragraph...

What most divorces mean is that at least one party, and possibly both, have ceased to put the gospel first in their lives.  They no longer live by Paul's guiding principle, "I make it my goal to please Him," because the Bible is clear in its teaching.  God says, "I hate divorce" (Malachi 2:16).  If the goal of the couple was to please God, they wouldn't seek a divorce.      

and this ...

Strong christian marriages will still be struck by lightning - sexual temptation, communication problems, frustrations, unrealized expectations- but if the marriages are heavily watered with an unwavering commitment to please God above everything else, the conditions won't b ripe for a devastating fire to follow the lightning strike.

sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

During the frustrating, lonely times in my marriage I remind myself that God wants me to please Him.  I can seek to serve God in my marriage even if my husband isn't.  Give up on my husband when he's not trying to please The Lord?  I think not, God never gives up on me!  Give up on my husband when he's been gone for a week, then comes home and has no time for me?  I think not, God never leaves when I don't have time for Him.  There is no room for divorce in even your thoughts.  Never ever.  God didn't divorce me when I rejected Him, when I never talked to Him...   He's there always.

   I'll be there always to.  Waiting and praying for my husband to come along beside me and seek Jesus with me.. to seek holiness not only happiness...   yeah, I'll be the example Jesus asks and requires of me...  to b like Him and let Him shine thru me to  those around...   what a perfect way to let my kids see Jesus...  to love their Daddy just like Jesus loves us...

God requires much in our everyday lives... I'm praying that I can give and please Him in this aspect of my life.. it isn't easy.. it's a daily surrender but it is a step to being more like Jesus.....